If you don't want to hear any spoilers for the new Tyler Perry movie, stop now, because Dave and Alonso tell you all the reasons why you need to see this crackpot masterpiece of stupidness. They also share theories as to why it would have been ever better had the late Stephen Stucker ("Airplane!") had been cast in place of Kim Kardashian. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, e-mail us at linoleumpodcast@gmail.com, take the time, do it right, we can do it baby.

Dave and Alonso disagree on campaign slogans for presumptive Senator-to-be Ashley Judd but they both think that Tina Fey deserves to be in way, way better movies. Subscribe on iTunes, like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, stream us at Stitcher Radio, promise her the moon when the sun is bright.

Dave and Alonso take the usual yellow brick road of digressions while discussing the week's new movies. Like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast (and @aduralde and @dlelandwhite), stream on Stitcher Radio, leave us a nice iTunes review, check in at GetGlue, well you've always liked roller coasters and I'd be happy to let my stomach turn for you.

China, chickens and Godzilla are just some of the pressing issues that Dave and Alonso face this week. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, leave us a rave review at iTunes, stream us at Stitcher Radio, smile for a while and let's be jolly.

Dave and Alonso tell you which new movie is like the maze on the back of a Howard Johnson's placemat and other important stuff that has nothing whatsoever to do with the Academy Awards. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, check in at GetGlue.com, stream at Stitcher Radio, like us, hate us, but you'll never change us.

Dave and Alonso explain why some movies are like swallowing a penny and why all movies would be improved by the presence of Margo Martindale, preferably holding a live peacock. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, leave us a review at iTunes, check in on GetGlue, tell me you're tryin' to cure a seven-year ache.

Robert Abele of the Los Angeles Times joins Dave and Alonso this week, and of course the heterosexual guest is the only one of us who saw the gay movie. We also discuss why Melissa McCarthy is the new Oliver Hardy and the outsider art of Y.K. Kim. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, stream us on Stitcher Radio, fare thee well my Texas moon.

While Gary builds their new kitchen table in the background, Dave and Alonso fall in love with zombies all over again and wonder when Sylvester Stallone became such a pill. Like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast (and @aduralde and @dlelandwhite), review us on iTunes, people who need people are the luckiest people in the world.

Dave and Alonso defend some of Jennifer Lopez's film work and imagine a conversation with Halle Berry's wig. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, check in on GetGlue.com, stream us on Stitcher Radio, do your little turn on the catwalk.

Dave and Alonso recall 2012's rock bottom, while also suggesting movies so awful that you really must see them. (The Ghost Rider-Madea crossover, alas, exists only in our wishes.) Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, check in on GetGlue, stream on Stitcher Radio, brother and sister, together, will make it through.