Dave & Alonso make O-faces for Lars Von Trier and O RLY-faces for Arnold Schwarzenegger. Like our Facebook page, subscribe and review us on iTunes, follow us @linoleumcast, it's a lot like life. Linoleum Knife is sponsored by THE REEL TRUTH: EVERYTHING YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU NEEDED TO KNOW TO MAKE AN INDEPENDENT FILM by Reed Martin http://amzn.to/1f7rQiZ and No Budget Film School's "The Art & Science of No-Budget Filmmaking" on May 3-4 http://bit.ly/NHdjDd -- get 20% off with discount code LINOLEUM

Dave and Alonso juggle a new sponsor, another Jesus movie, possible food poisoning and a movie they forgot to cover last week, so please forgive them for not getting around to "Nymphomaniac, Vols. 1 and 2." Subscribe on iTunes, like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, and we all shine on, like the moon and the stars and the sun.

Buy our CLUE episode/commentary for just $1.99, PayPal-ed to linoleumpodcast@gmail.com

Linoleum Knife is brought to you by THE REEL TRUTH: EVERYTHING YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU NEED TO KNOW TO MAKE AN INDEPENDENT FILM by Reed Martin http://amzn.to/1f7rQiZ

Linoleum Knife is also brought to you by No-Budget Film School; sign up for their famed two-day class "The Art & Science of No-Budget Filmmaking on May 3 & 4 in Los Angeles and get 20% off with promo code LINOLEUM. http://bit.ly/NHdjDd

Dave and Alonso have a new theme song AND a new Tyler Perry movie to dissect, so it's like double Christmas around here. Like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, PayPal $1.99 each to linoleumpodcast@gmail.com for our commentary tracks for CLUE and THE APPLE, do do that voodoo that you do so well.

Linoleum Knife is brought to you by THE REEL TRUTH: EVERTHING YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU NEEDED TO KNOW ABOUT MAKING AN INDEPENDENT FILM by Reed Martin. www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003MQLZKS/ref=alonsoduralde-20

Theme music by Bleu -- find out more at http://www.bleutopia.com

Dave and Alonso discuss the "faggy"-osity of the 300 franchise and concoct better plot twists for Annette Bening's latest. Subscribe and review us on iTunes, like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast and hey I passed you on the street.

The Linoleum Knife Podcast is sponsored by THE REEL TRUTH: EVERYTHING YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU NEEDED TO KNOW ABOUT MAKING AN INDEPENDENT MOVIE by Reed Martin. http://www.amazon.com/Reel-Truth-Everything-Making-Independent/dp/0571211038/ref=alonsoduralde-20

Dave and Alonso both make embarrassing production mistakes before discussing why there hasn't been a decent Jesus movie in decades, and why there needs to be an action movie about a guy who bumps into things and spills food on his clothing. Sponsored by THE REEL TRUTH: EVERYTHING YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU NEED TO KNOW TO MAKE AN INDEPENDENT FILM by Reed Martin. Leave us a nice review (and subscribe) on iTunes, like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast I see you baby, shakin' that a**.

Dave and Alonso have a new tape deck! Also lots of opinions about the healing powers of Dakota Fanning, Child Veterinarian. Visit linoleum-knife.com, subscribe for free (and review us!) at iTunes, like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, I dreamed I saw the knights in armor coming, saying something about a queen.

Dave and Alonso welcome Matt Zoller Seitz, author of THE WES ANDERSON COLLECTION, editor-in-chief of RogerEbert.com and TV critic for Vulture to discuss everything from "Bottle Rocket" set visits to the most interesting filmmaker hiding in the ensemble of "Girls." Follow Matt @mattzollerseitz ooh la la.

Dave and Alonso make their way through a sea of '80s remakes this week. Leave us a nice review on iTunes (and subscribe to the show while you're at it), like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast and he be makin' like a beeline, headin' for the borderline, goin' for broke.

Dave and Alonso marvel over how plastic toys can be more compelling that George Clooney saving art from the Nazis, and speaking of, Dave has lots of Holocaust documentary to talk about. Like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast and go to linoleum-knife.com and buy our new commentary track for THE APPLE (1980), where my love can be found and my heart rings true.

Dave and Alonso remember the extraordinary actor-director and lament his passing before moving on to more utterly mediocre January toss-offs. Hey, go to our site and buy our commentary for THE APPLE! Also, subscribe (and review) at iTunes, like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, I just know that something good is going to happen.