Dave & Alonso make O-faces for Lars Von Trier and O RLY-faces for Arnold Schwarzenegger. Like our Facebook page, subscribe and review us on iTunes, follow us @linoleumcast, it's a lot like life. Linoleum Knife is sponsored by THE REEL TRUTH: EVERYTHING YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU NEEDED TO KNOW TO MAKE AN INDEPENDENT FILM by Reed Martin http://amzn.to/1f7rQiZ and No Budget Film School's "The Art & Science of No-Budget Filmmaking" on May 3-4 http://bit.ly/NHdjDd -- get 20% off with discount code LINOLEUM

Dave and Alonso juggle a new sponsor, another Jesus movie, possible food poisoning and a movie they forgot to cover last week, so please forgive them for not getting around to "Nymphomaniac, Vols. 1 and 2." Subscribe on iTunes, like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, and we all shine on, like the moon and the stars and the sun.

Buy our CLUE episode/commentary for just $1.99, PayPal-ed to linoleumpodcast@gmail.com

Linoleum Knife is brought to you by THE REEL TRUTH: EVERYTHING YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU NEED TO KNOW TO MAKE AN INDEPENDENT FILM by Reed Martin http://amzn.to/1f7rQiZ

Linoleum Knife is also brought to you by No-Budget Film School; sign up for their famed two-day class "The Art & Science of No-Budget Filmmaking on May 3 & 4 in Los Angeles and get 20% off with promo code LINOLEUM. http://bit.ly/NHdjDd

Dave and Alonso have a new theme song AND a new Tyler Perry movie to dissect, so it's like double Christmas around here. Like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, PayPal $1.99 each to linoleumpodcast@gmail.com for our commentary tracks for CLUE and THE APPLE, do do that voodoo that you do so well.

Linoleum Knife is brought to you by THE REEL TRUTH: EVERTHING YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU NEEDED TO KNOW ABOUT MAKING AN INDEPENDENT FILM by Reed Martin. www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003MQLZKS/ref=alonsoduralde-20

Theme music by Bleu -- find out more at http://www.bleutopia.com

Dave and Alonso discuss the "faggy"-osity of the 300 franchise and concoct better plot twists for Annette Bening's latest. Subscribe and review us on iTunes, like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast and hey I passed you on the street.

The Linoleum Knife Podcast is sponsored by THE REEL TRUTH: EVERYTHING YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU NEEDED TO KNOW ABOUT MAKING AN INDEPENDENT MOVIE by Reed Martin. http://www.amazon.com/Reel-Truth-Everything-Making-Independent/dp/0571211038/ref=alonsoduralde-20

Dave and Alonso both make embarrassing production mistakes before discussing why there hasn't been a decent Jesus movie in decades, and why there needs to be an action movie about a guy who bumps into things and spills food on his clothing. Sponsored by THE REEL TRUTH: EVERYTHING YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU NEED TO KNOW TO MAKE AN INDEPENDENT FILM by Reed Martin. Leave us a nice review (and subscribe) on iTunes, like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast I see you baby, shakin' that a**.

Dave and Alonso have a new tape deck! Also lots of opinions about the healing powers of Dakota Fanning, Child Veterinarian. Visit linoleum-knife.com, subscribe for free (and review us!) at iTunes, like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, I dreamed I saw the knights in armor coming, saying something about a queen.

Dave and Alonso welcome Matt Zoller Seitz, author of THE WES ANDERSON COLLECTION, editor-in-chief of RogerEbert.com and TV critic for Vulture to discuss everything from "Bottle Rocket" set visits to the most interesting filmmaker hiding in the ensemble of "Girls." Follow Matt @mattzollerseitz ooh la la.

Dave and Alonso make their way through a sea of '80s remakes this week. Leave us a nice review on iTunes (and subscribe to the show while you're at it), like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast and he be makin' like a beeline, headin' for the borderline, goin' for broke.

Dave and Alonso marvel over how plastic toys can be more compelling that George Clooney saving art from the Nazis, and speaking of, Dave has lots of Holocaust documentary to talk about. Like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast and go to linoleum-knife.com and buy our new commentary track for THE APPLE (1980), where my love can be found and my heart rings true.

Dave and Alonso remember the extraordinary actor-director and lament his passing before moving on to more utterly mediocre January toss-offs. Hey, go to our site and buy our commentary for THE APPLE! Also, subscribe (and review) at iTunes, like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, I just know that something good is going to happen.

Dave and Alonso are currently without a cassette player, but they have plenty to say about gargoyles, French onanists and Rosario Dawson's meth teeth. (In character!) Subscribe and review us at iTunes, like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, like a bleary-eyed baboon to an organ grinder's tune.

Dave and Alonso recorded an episode before Alonso left for Sundance because math is hard, apparently. Subscribe for free (and review us) at iTunes, like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, you're the national gallery, you're double salary, you're cellophane.

Dave and Alonso are joined by Manohla Dargis (The New York Times) and Robert Abele (Los Angeles Times) to stick a fork in 2013. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast & subscribe and leave us a nice review at iTunes. I know my chicken, you got to know your chicken.

Dave and Alonso look back on 2013 with L.A. Weekly critic Amy Nicholson -- and yes, she explains how "Pain and Gain" made her Top 10 list. Like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, visit linoleum-knife.com, leave us a nice iTunes review, three's not a crowd to her, she says.

Dave and Alonso have a heapin' helpin' of Christmas releases to shovel through on this last episode of 2013, but luckily the hilarious and insightful Drew Droege @drewdroege is here to lend a hand and an opinon. Subscribe (and review us) on iTunes, like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, and a love beat is a good vibration.

Dave and Alonso revel in a relatively light pre-Christmas week before the flood of year-end releases, so there's plenty of time to discuss catchphrases, contemporary art and the hotness of Spaniards. Like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, subscribe (and leave us a nice review) on iTunes, wonderland, wonderland, shining star, jingle bells.

Dave and Alonso try to fix Madea and share questions and theories about a beloved and much-hated Christmas staple, still finding time to discuss frozen jelly donuts and British chocolate biscuits. Like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, subscribe (and rate us) on iTunes, buy our shirt and commentary and books, you're all that I need, underneath the tree.

Dave and Alonso are joined by Sean Abley, author of "Out in the Dark: Interviews with Gay Horror Filmmakers, Actors and Authors" to discuss folkies, hill people and cat peril. Buy a T-shirt or a book or a commentary track! Drop us a line at linoleumpodcast@gmail.com. You're much better with than without it.

Dave and Alonso aren't entirely sure what two of their favorite African American filmmakers are up to in their latest, but at least Jason Statham is always Jason Statham. Buy a T-shirt or Alonso's book! Drop us a line at linoleumpodcast@gmail.com. Like our Facebook page and stuff. Rootie-toot-toots and rummy-tum-tums.

Dave and Alonso ponder why so much of the "Hunger Games" marketing is aspirational toward the villains, as well as other cinematic mysteries. Subscribe for free on iTunes, where we would love it if you would leave us a positive review, like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, buy a book, buy a shirt, every rose has its thorn.

Dave and Alonso know it isn't Christmas yet, but they've already started playing holiday music on KOST in Los Angeles and Terrence Howard looks spiffy in a red scarf, so there you go. Like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, leave us a nice review on iTunes, you just walked right in, walked walked walked right in.

Dave and Alonso wonder why parking (and cheese) is so expensive in Beverly Hills, and they hate inappropriately sappy Holocaust movies. All this and more on this week's episode. Like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, leave us a nice review on iTunes, things that you would not do at home come naturally on the floor.

Dave and Alonso tackle aspirate h-es, magical homos and controversial authors in this week's installment. Like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, leave us a nice review (and subscribe for free) at iTunes, attention to me seemed to drift though I don't know where.

Dave and Alonso discuss movies by, for and about Christians, which may or may not involve an "Oogieloves" reference. And Dave defends an aggressively unloved new movie. Subscribe (and review us) at iTunes, like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, it ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it, and that's what get results.

Guest star Jack Morrissey of the Team Jack Podcast (and co-producer of "The Fifth Estate") drops in to give Dave and Alonso some full-on Hollywood insider action. Strap yourself in. Also, like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, review us (and subscribe for free) on iTunes, it leaps and creeps and glides and slides across the floor.

Dave and Alonso connect the dots between Paul Greengrass and Kevin McCallister, among other big ideas. Like our Facebook page, visit linoleum-knife.com, follow us @linoleumcast, review us (and subscribe for free on iTunes), paradise is exactly like where you are right now only much, much better.

Dave and Alonso have their usual disagreements about theme songs but they both really love that outer-space movie. Visit linoleum-knife.com, like our Facebook page, leave us a nice review (and subscribe!) at iTunes, the message is perfectly simple, the meaning is clear.

Dave and Alonso go to Santa Monica for people-watching, meatballs and Stanley Kubrick. And Alonso made it home safely from Kosovo without having to wackily run through airports like Paula Patton. Subscribe (and review!) at iTunes, like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, oh no it's a killer blow.

Dave and special guest William "Bibbs" Bibbiani of CraveOnline, The B-Movies Podcast, S.H.I.E.L.D.C.A.S.T. and Kings of Horror make the most of Alonso's defection to Kosovo with reviews of the latest films that are out now in theaters for you to see... in theaters. Travel to Linoleum-Knife.com for more knifings, subscribe (and leave a review) on iTunes, like our official Facebook page, follow us on Twitter @LinoleumCast, and find Bibbs there too at @WilliamBibbiani. (P.S. Bibbs wrote this.)

Dave and Alonso are married to the mob in haunted houses with infamous cars in the garage. It's fun to enjoy! Check out linoleum-knife.com, ubscribe for free (and review us) on iTunes, like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, oh hello, hello, let it be him.

Dave and Alonso establish the Lee Daniels rule and endorse occupying the jukebox at Buffalo Wild Wings. Like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, subscribe and review us at iTunes, do the mashed potato with a new attitude.

Dave and Alonso got no beef with boy bands.

Subscribe for free (and review us!) on iTunes, like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, never give up on the good times.

Dave and Alonso have things to say about cheesy bread, lavender tea and pudding in Toluca Lake. Also, movies, several of which are way better than you might expect for the end of August. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, subscribe for free (and leave us a nice review) at iTunes, Christina Applegate you gotta put me on.

Dave and Alonso hate the term "chick-flick" but they liked the show "Taradise." That's just two of the many vital tidbits contained in this week's episode. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, and check out the slow-but-sure growth of http://www.linoleum-knife.com and I wish this dream comes true.

Fans of long episodes and of things getting knocked over in Dave and Alonso's apartment should enjoy this one. Plus we announce the winner of our creepy-doll contest, and we pay homage not only to Karen Black but also Eydie Gorme and Marilyn King. Like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, subscribe for free (and review us!) at iTunes, blame it on the bossa nova, with its magic spell.

Dave's a little under the weather this week, so William Bibbiani (@williambibbiani) from The B-Movies Podcast sits in with Alonso to discuss new films from '70s auteurs Paul Schrader and Brian De Palma as well as the surprisingly good moments from The Smurfs 2 (neither of which makes that movie worth seeing). Oh, and there's the show's first giveaway, too. Subscribe for free (and review us) at iTunes, like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, to prove that even wise men can be wrong I concentrate on you.

Dave and Alonso argue over their punk credentials but both agree that Hugh Jackman should enjoy a nice bowl of fettucine. Like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, subscribe for free and review us on iTunes, first I'm gonna take it, then I'm gonna shake it 'til it falls apart.

B. Ruby Rich, editor of Film Quarterly, professor of film and media studies at UC Santa Cruz and author of the new collection "New Queer Cinema: The Director's Cut" classes up the joint with her presence and her insights. Dave and Alonso argue over whether or not the new movie from the "Drive" guys is art or merely arty. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, subscribe on iTunes, I bought a ticket to the world and now I've come back again.

Dave and Alonso discuss hideous monsters that bring misery and destroy everything in their path. And in addition to "Grown Ups 2," there's "Pacific Rim." (Pacific rim-shot.) Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, subscribe for free (and review us!) on iTunes, Hedora, Hedora, He-do-raaaa...

Dave and Alonso take their show on the road -- well, across town, anyway, to the home of writer pals Robert Abele (a previous guest on the podcast) and Margy Rochlin. The homeowners chime in and kibitz while Dave complains about Viking movies that need to take a page from Tyler Perry and Alonso's glasses fog up because it's July. Subscribe on iTunes (and show us some positive-review love), like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, thanks for the yacht and for the solid-gold sink.

Dave and Alonso salute the good and stupid this week, whether it's the smart-stupid of Melissa McCarthy's hilariously obnoxious characters, the exhilarating-stupid of Roland Emmerich's new "Die Hard" ripoff, or the sexy-stupid of a fizzy, naughty romp from Pedro Almodóvar. Because really, it's too hot outside for anything else. Like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, stream us on Stitcher, please tell us why you had to hide away for so long.

Vinny Lopez of the very funny web series Two Jasperjohns (www.twojasperjohns.com) pops in to talk about the upcoming season, and Dave and Alonso discuss metaphorical zombies and boysenberry-flavored commitment ceremonies. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, subscribe (and review us!) at iTunes, commited a crime and went inside, it was coming your way and you had to survive.

Dave and Alonso have thoughts about nausea and superheroes and the Kuleshov Effect. And, as ever, grape soda. Subscribe for free on iTunes, like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, stream on Stitcher, she loves to do the pony, she loves to do the jerk.

Dave and Alonso both dislike the new Vince Vaughn-Owen Wilson movie...but find a way to argue about it anyway. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, subscribe on iTunes (and leave us a nice review), contact us at linoleumpodcast@gmail.com, the pumps don't work 'cause the vandals took the handles.

Dave and Alonso travel into the future, behind the scenes of magic and into a environmentalist terrorism cult this week, but they'd much rather talk about rotisserie chicken. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, drop us a line at linoleumpodcast@gmail.com, subscribe (and review us) at iTunes, and all the stars that never were are parking cars and pumping gas.

Dave and Alonso welcome special guest and birthday girl Diane Stroud, the creator of the Linoleum Knife Drinking Game, to discuss childhood favorites and cult religions and other fascinating topics that filled up one of our longest show ever. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, stream us on Stitcher, now you has mass motivation.

Why the Federation is like "High School Musical" plus hate mail is just part of this week's excursion into the current cinema. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast (Dave is @dlelandwhite and Alonso is @aduralde), subscribe on iTunes, stream on Stitcher, have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?

Plates are smashing and the '20s are roaring this week, as Dave and Alonso discuss new movies, an undersung hero of the French New Wave and the laziness of the word "pretentious." Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, subscribe at iTunes (and leave us a nice review), write us at linoleumpodcast@gmail.com, do you what you wanna do, I can't tell you who to sock it to.

Dave and Alonso just want their summer blockbusters to be the life-changing experiences they are advertised to be, is that asking so much? Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, subscribe at iTunes, stream on Stitcher, if the nightingale could sing like you, it'd sing much sweeter than they do.

Alonso is back from Dallas with stories about the USA Film Festival, but Dave has tales of cookies, free cake and some grumpy old ladies at a smooth radio station's movie screening that winds up being anything but mellow. Like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, subscribe at iTunes, got nowhere to go, all my time is free, so come on baby make a move on me.

A slumgullion of science fiction and the divergent spiritual paths of Terrence Malick and Rob Zombie (to say nothing of Ingmar Bergman and Demi Moore) are on Dave and Alonso's menu. Also, Dave was totally super-wrong about Usher not being in "Scary Movie V," so there. Like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, leave us a positive review on iTunes, I'll be poolside if you're lookin' for me.

Dave and Alonso discuss Very Loud Music, the triumph of the (iron) will and more. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, stream us on Stitcher, check in at Get Glue, if words could speak they'd mean even less.

Alonso wanted to write a limerick with "They try not to spoil/the new Danny Boyle" as the third and fourth line, but Dave kiboshed it because there weren't enough words that rhymed with "Roger," much less "Ebert." Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, leave us a review on iTunes, and when she passes, each one who passes goes, "Ahhh."

If you don't want to hear any spoilers for the new Tyler Perry movie, stop now, because Dave and Alonso tell you all the reasons why you need to see this crackpot masterpiece of stupidness. They also share theories as to why it would have been ever better had the late Stephen Stucker ("Airplane!") had been cast in place of Kim Kardashian. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, e-mail us at linoleumpodcast@gmail.com, take the time, do it right, we can do it baby.

Dave and Alonso disagree on campaign slogans for presumptive Senator-to-be Ashley Judd but they both think that Tina Fey deserves to be in way, way better movies. Subscribe on iTunes, like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, stream us at Stitcher Radio, promise her the moon when the sun is bright.

Dave and Alonso take the usual yellow brick road of digressions while discussing the week's new movies. Like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast (and @aduralde and @dlelandwhite), stream on Stitcher Radio, leave us a nice iTunes review, check in at GetGlue, well you've always liked roller coasters and I'd be happy to let my stomach turn for you.

China, chickens and Godzilla are just some of the pressing issues that Dave and Alonso face this week. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, leave us a rave review at iTunes, stream us at Stitcher Radio, smile for a while and let's be jolly.

Dave and Alonso tell you which new movie is like the maze on the back of a Howard Johnson's placemat and other important stuff that has nothing whatsoever to do with the Academy Awards. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, check in at GetGlue.com, stream at Stitcher Radio, like us, hate us, but you'll never change us.

Dave and Alonso explain why some movies are like swallowing a penny and why all movies would be improved by the presence of Margo Martindale, preferably holding a live peacock. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, leave us a review at iTunes, check in on GetGlue, tell me you're tryin' to cure a seven-year ache.

Robert Abele of the Los Angeles Times joins Dave and Alonso this week, and of course the heterosexual guest is the only one of us who saw the gay movie. We also discuss why Melissa McCarthy is the new Oliver Hardy and the outsider art of Y.K. Kim. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, stream us on Stitcher Radio, fare thee well my Texas moon.

While Gary builds their new kitchen table in the background, Dave and Alonso fall in love with zombies all over again and wonder when Sylvester Stallone became such a pill. Like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast (and @aduralde and @dlelandwhite), review us on iTunes, people who need people are the luckiest people in the world.

Dave and Alonso defend some of Jennifer Lopez's film work and imagine a conversation with Halle Berry's wig. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, check in on GetGlue.com, stream us on Stitcher Radio, do your little turn on the catwalk.

Dave and Alonso recall 2012's rock bottom, while also suggesting movies so awful that you really must see them. (The Ghost Rider-Madea crossover, alas, exists only in our wishes.) Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, check in on GetGlue, stream on Stitcher Radio, brother and sister, together, will make it through.

EPISODE 100, Y'ALL. And they said it wouldn't last. Dave and Alonso deglaze the pan of 2012 with the year's final new releases and their choices of the best movies of the year. Turin horses and plague-surviving will be mentioned. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, check in on GetGlue.com, thank you for all the joy and pain.

Dave has his buttons pushed by Barbra Streisand. Alonso does his Werner Herzog impersonation. It's that kind of episode. (Number 99, to be exact.) Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, stream us on Stitcher Radio, have the most, the merriest.

Dave and Alonso are getting over being sick, but there's just so much to share about the creepy new 48 frames-per-second technology and the belt-cracking joys of "This Christmas." Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, stream us at Stitcher Radio, hang your stockings and say your prayers 'cause Santa Claus comes tonight.

Wash your hands after listening, because Dave and Alonso are both fighting off colds. But they rallied enough to discuss the truth about "Jingle Bells," a double-shot of C.Z. Jones, and much more. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, check in at GetGlue, pass around the coffee and the pumpkin pie.

If you thought Dave and Alonso were done talking about Christmas movies, well no. Director Jim Fall ("Trick") drops by to talk about his latest Lifetime joint "Holly's Holiday" and to share the show's first-ever live and in-person Top Ten list. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, stream us on Stitcher Radio, let man his songs employ.

Dave and Alonso are on their A-game, what with the very fancy (and hilarious) Manohla Dargis, film critic for The New York Times, dropping by to talk about holiday movies. (And did we mention that Alonso is the author of HAVE YOURSELF A MOVIE LITTLE CHRISTMAS? http://amzn.to/b444F8 ) Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, just hear those sleigh bells ring-a-ling, jing-ting-ting-a-ling too.

Dave and Alonso look back on the insane fan response to one of this generation's most popular franchises and parse the difference between the Tolstoy heroine and the Godard star. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, check in at GetGlue.com, you need another lover like you need a hole in your head.

Dave and Alonso discuss wine tastings, crazy secessionists and the golden age of sleazy PG movies, along with the week's new movies. Like our Facebook page, follow us @linoleumcast, subscribe (and review!) at iTunes, don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me.

Dave can't stop himself from giggling over a particular actress' last name, while Alonso is very disappointed in a certain musician-turned-director. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, write us at linoleumpodcast@gmail.com, why waste your time, you know you're gonna be mine.

Dave recalls the Halloween he dressed as a popular cereal mascot while Alonso wants October 31 to be over so Christmas can begin in earnest. Like us on Facebook, stream us on Stitcher Radio, subscribe for free at iTunes, bang on the drum all day.

Dave and Alonso go deep in attempting to figure out What's Eating Tyler Perry while also plumbing the Haunted-McMansion subtext of the Paranormal Activity movies. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, stream us at Stitcher Radio, please don't talk about me when I'm gone.

After a week off Dave and Alonso have lots of ground to cover, including Objectivism on a budget and thoughts on Ben Affleck's future as a filmmaker. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, stream on Stitcher Radio, drop us a line at linoleumpodcast@gmail.com, pass the peas.

Dave and Alonso get into a bit of a rhubarb about the latest from Rian Johnson, but they are in agreement about teachers' unions and Cinerama and THE WIZ. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, check in at GetGlue.com, climb ev'ry mountain.

Dave and Alonso discuss white ninjas, tea additives and low-budget superheroes, as well as six new movies. Also, they impersonate Dream Academy and This Mortal Coil. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, subscribe and (rave) review at iTunes. clap-a yo' hands, slap-a yo' thighs, hallelujah, hallelujah.

Dave and Alonso are joined by special guest Marc Edward Huyck (@the_hoyk) to discuss a bunch of movies, most of which are in limited release, some of them so limited that we didn't feel like driving 100 miles to see them. (We're looking at you, latest Nicolas Cage vehicle.) Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, review us at iTunes, walk it like you talk it or you'll lose that beat.

On the slowest box office weekend of the year, Dave and Alonso discuss celebrity divorce, the thrill of other people's arguments in public, and a bunch of listener Top 10 lists. Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast, subscribe at iTunes, check in on GetGlue.com, stream at Stitcher Radio, put your left foot in and shake it all about.

Dave and Alonso talk about the passing of Dave's mom, rant and rave about moviegoing experiences and do their best to make heads or tails of that "Oogieloves" movies. Like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter @linoleumcast, review us on iTunes, yo DJ pump this party.

Anti-bullying deodorant, metaphorical automobiles, the truth about gospel choirs, and more! Like us on Facebook, follow us @linoleumcast on Twitter, subscribe at iTunes, stream us on Stitcher, take the elevator to the mezzanine.

Dave and Alonso cover the week's two big movies, yes, but they also remember several folks who passed on this week. Our hosts also make a concerted effort to dig through the backlog of mail from listeners. Add to that backlog at linoleumpodcast@gmail.com, like us on Facebook, follow @linoleumcast on Twitter, check in at GetGlue, stand up for your love rights.

Guest co-host Alynda Wheat of PEOPLE magazine thinks Dave bailed this week because most of the movies were so awful. Alonso keeps pouring the mimosas so she'll stay. Follow us @linoleumcast on Twitter, like us on Facebook, check in on GetGlue.com, stream us on Stitcher, don't stop believin'.

Dave takes a trip to the ER, Alonso battles a summer cold, and they still manage to record their longest episode to date. Follow them @linoleumcast and check in on GetGlue.com and like it on Facebook and smile though your heart is aching.

Dave and Alonso discuss the big summer movie that everyone is seeing and talking about. Plus a few others. Follow us @linoleumcast, like us on Facebook, check in on GetGlue.com, be yourself tonight.

Dave interrupts the show to call his mom, Alonso takes time out of Outfest to respond to some questionable internet reportage, and they both think a new movie is so terrible that you should probably see it right away. Follow us @linoleumcast, write us at linoleumpodcast@gmail.com, like us on Facebook, subscribe at iTunes, and such as.

Dave and Alonso say "Make mine music!" OK, they don't, but they do discuss ape raves, movie soundtracks, candy-colored pop princesses and a movie named for a Leonard Cohen song. Follow us on Twitter @linoleumcast, like us on Facebook, drop us a line at linoleumpodcast@gmail.com, check in at GetGlue.com, subscribe on iTunes, listen on Stitcher Radio, call your mother.

Look, Dave and Alonso have lesbians to meet for breakfast, and Dave is the president of the Super-Important Film Critics Club, so they meander a little less than usual this week. But only a little. "Like" our Facebook page, follow us on Twitter @linoleumcast, check into the show at GetGlue.com, subscribe on iTunes, listen on Stitcher Radio, write us at linoleumpodcast@gmail.com, try to floss at least once a day.

Dave and Alonso build a bridge between Suicidal Tendencies and Stephen Sondheim, discuss a disturbing children's movie that features a make-out between a man and a seal, and one of them cops to a moment of diva worship that happened at a TV taping this week. Follow us @linoleumcast

Dave and Alonso discuss blackface Judy Garland, vegan pancakes, unintelligible songs from gay Danish movies, crispy chicken, fresh lettuce, three cheeses, ranch dressing, all wrapped in a tasty flour tortilla. Also, discussion of whether or not Dave is an idiot for liking the atrocious new Adam Sandler movie, listener Top Ten lists and another chapter of "Play-Mate of the Apes."

Dave and Alonso are back, with Broadway adventures, baked goods (no eating during the show, we promise) and arguments about music. And Dave begins an ongoing series in which he relates the plot of the softcore "Play-Mate of the Apes." In a clean-podcast kind of way.

Chris Gore of ATTACK OF THE SHOW and PODCRASH WITH THAT CHRIS GORE sits in for Dave this week, and he and Alonso discuss random usage of British accents, a quick history of indie cinema and what WEST SIDE STORY and STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE have in common besides Robert Wise. Follow Chris @thatchrisgore and at chrisgore.com

Alonso Duralde's out of town and Dave White's forced to turn to William Bibbiani of CraveOnline and The B-Movies Podcast for co-hosting assistance. Dave finally closes out his Robert Bresson pilgrimage, Bibbs discovers the power of Helen Slater's tiny tank top, and Men in Black 3 proves divisive. Sure, it's mediocre... but is it mediocre enough? They also gush about Wes Anderson's latest and ponder the crapitude of Chernobyl Diaries and France's answer to the cinematic career of Chris Columbus, Intouchables. Follow us on Twitter (@linoleumcast and @williambibbiani), submit questions to linoleumpodcast@gmail.com, subscribe on iTunes and like... nay, LOVE us on Facebook.

Dave is still on his Bresson kick, Alonso shares another John Hughes memory, and both of them find BATTLESHIP to be entertaining if still a piece of crap. Like us on Facebook, check into the show at GetGlue.com, follow us at Twitter @linoleumcast and drop us a line at linoleumpodcast@gmail.com

This week, Dave is very fancy while Alonso sees vintage rollerblading movies. But they both love it when Richard Linklater stays in Texas and think Bobcat Goldthwait is aiming at the wrong targets. Oh, and get it together, Tim Burton.

Dave and Alonso are joined by Alonso's college pal (and comics enabler) film critic Curt Holman @curt_holman to talk about Joss Whedon's super-team hit. Find out Alonso and Dave's funeral wishes, which one of them is a Nigella Lawson fanboy, and why The Avengers are like #Occupy

Alonso analyzes the mechanics of getting "the nod" from hip indie record-store clerks, while Dave laments the passing of Sara Lee cheesecake bites and NBC's "Providence" (in tandem) before praising TORQUE again.

Dave and Alonso disagree about the Three Stooges (but not about the new movie of the same name) and try to figure out just what a "fanboy movie" is and why the general public seems not to like them. And Alonso sees his first Béla Tarr movie. Like us on Facebook, follow our show on Twitter @linoleumcast

Special guests Grae Drake and Drew Droege join Alonso and Dave on Easter to discuss new movies; this is probably the only podcast you'll hear this week to reference "The Apple," Jodorowsky, "Taradise," Céilne Dion, Guy Maddin, Béla Tarr and "Josie and the Pussycats." P.S. The audio levels are all over the place. Sorry.